72 Comedy Jokes

Apartment Joke

We had spent the day moving from our farmhouse into a new apartment house in town. Very early the next morning, our 6 year-old ran in to our bedroom to wake us up. I dressed him and told him to play in the yard and to calm down a bit. About 20 minutes later, he came running back. "Mommy, Mommy," he exclaimed, "Every house has doorbells - and they all work!"

Parent Joke

My parents are both busy professional people and have trouble finding time for chores and home maintenance. On weekends they each make a list of things to be done. Father's list is never completely crossed off, but Mother's always is. Puzzled, I asked her how she managed that. "Simple," she answered with a satisfied grin. "I do the chore first, and then I put it on the list and cross it off!"

Police Joke

While taking a routine vandalism report at an elementary school, I was interrupted by a little girl about six years old. Looking up and down at my uniform, she asked, "Are you a police officer?" "Yes," I answered, and continued writing the report. "My mother said if I ever needed help I should ask the police. Is that right?" "Yes, that's right," I told her. "Well, then," she said as she extended her foot toward me, "would you please tie my shoe?"

Medical Joke

Dr. Sharma, the head psychiatrist at the local mental hospital, is examining patients to see if they're cured and ready to re-enter society. 'So, Mr. Patel,' the doctor says to one of his patients, 'I see by your chart that you've been recommended for dismissal. Do you have any idea what you might do once you're released?' The patient thinks for a moment, then replies, 'Well, I went to school for mechanical engineering. That's still a good field and great money. But, on the other hand, I thought I might write a book about my experiences here in the hospital and what it's like to be a patient here.' The patient continued, 'People might be interested in reading a book like that. In addition, I thought I might go back to college and study art history, which I've grown interested in lately.' Dr. Sharma nods and says, 'Yes, those all sound like intriguing possibilities.' The patient replies, 'And the best part is, in my spare time, I can go on being a teapot.'

Witness Joke

Three blondes were witnesses to a crime, so they went to the police station to identify the suspect. The police chief said he would show them a mug shot of someone for thirty seconds, then ask each one for a description. After showing the photo to the first blonde, he covered it, then asked her how she would recognize the suspect. "Easy, " she replied. "He only has one eye." The chief was stunned. "He only has one eye because it is a profile shot! Think about it!" He repeated the procedure for the second blonde and again asked how she would recognize him. "He only has one ear, " was her answer. "What is the matter with you people?!? It is a profile shot! You are seeing him from the side!" He repeated the procedure for the third blonde, then said, "How would you recognize the suspect? Now think before you give me a stupid answer." After viewing the photo, she thought for a minute, then said, "He's wearing contact lenses." This took the chief by surprise. He looked real hard at the picture and couldn't tell if the suspect had contacts or not, so he went into the database and looked at the report. Sure enough, when the mug shot was taken, he was wearing contact lenses! He went back to her and asked, "How could you tell he was wearing contact lenses? Nobody else here in this precinct saw that!" "Well, " she said, "he can't wear regular glasses with only one eye and one ear, now, can he?"

Computer Joke

Becky was 73 and just got her first computer. After her son spent over 2 hours teaching her how to use it, she was sure she knew everything there was to know about computers. Unfortunately though, one day she couldn’t get it to start so she promptly called an IT guy to come over and take a look at it. The IT guy managed to fix the issue in a few minutes and was on his way. Becky was proud when she overheard the IT guy on the phone with his boss telling him about the issue, she was sure it meant it was a serious issue and she was sure she took care of it the right way. “Excuse me if you don’t mind me asking,” asked Becky to the man on his way out. “I couldn’t help overhearing you on the phone with your boss. What exactly is an Id ten T problem? Just so I can tell my son.” The man smiled, took out a pen, “it stands for this: I-D -1-0-T”.

Best ever funny clean crazy short apartment jokes with hilarious new parent jokes. More humor with awesome police jokes and good medical jokes including amazing witness jokes. Includes hilarious comedy videos.